The Internet is Fun

A couple weekends ago, I was hanging out with some friends. We were playing Bomberman, wasting time until dinner and the play we were attending that night. My friends asked about my dating life, and I told them that I just had some random dates, nothing real. They decided I needed to post an ad on craigslist. I am not one to say no, so I told them to write one up and I would post it.

Given about a half hour, they managed to come up with something that can only be described as functionally retarded. The text of the ad was downright creepy. It made allusions to babies and dinners not yet made. It gave me the impression that I wanted to make babies and then make them into dinner and feed them to a women. To cap it off, they attached a picture of a small dog wrapped in a hot dog bun. I kept my word though, and posted the ad. Here are the responses:
No. 1: merely said, “How cute is the puppy???? 28 f wanna chat.”
I replied I was at work, and therefore could not. She offered to exchange pictures, so I thought I was in luck if she was eager to show herself to me. Then I received another e-mail with the attachment. It looked like she was going to eat her friends. I politely refused to email back.

No. 2: Called my post interesting. Then asked a series of get to know you type questions. Then claimed to be 28, single, professional and attractive. So I answered her questions and asked a few of my own. Apparently she did not like my comment that I was glad she was attractive, as attractive is better then ugly. She never wrote back.

No. 3: Wrote “that is by far the cutest pic but i bet you knew that when you put it onhere” in her e-mail. She clearly did not earn points for using anything that resembles proper English, but this was craigslist, so a slight handicap is to be expected. I decided to play cute with her and was very flirty in my responses. Also, I alluded to a foot fetish. For some reason, she continued to talk to me until I asked her for a picture. She was fatter then No. 1. I also declined to e-mail her back. She asked why. I claimed that I just got slammed at work. She knows why.

No. 4: Clearly was spam. However, I responded anyways. I even supplied a picture for her. I sent her a photo of a close play at home from the 1970s. I claimed I was Johny Bench. She responded that she was at work and couldn’t use her e-mail. We would have to logon to a special website to get to know each other better. I decided to draw the line with the spammer there.

No. 5: The last one came to the party a couple days late, with “That dog is so adorable!” I informed her that the dog was in danger due to the fact that only very large women appeared to be attracted to the ad. I feared for his safety of being eaten and therefore had him removed from the city.
For some reason, this one is still e-mailing me. I have swayed from being very vague to outright creepy. I made her establish a safe word (“sailboat”) after about 4 e-mails. I have gone on rants regarding, among other things: mustard, limericks, pirates, birth order, fetishes, and other.
For some reason, this seems to interest her. As she is not horribly ugly, I do not mind entertaining her. I find it slightly amusing to scare her such as. I fully expect her to proposition me at some point.

So there we go, that is what happens when you post something inane on craigslist. You get fat chicks and a girl who doesn’t know when to run.